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Listener Note

This episode is a continuation of Episode 2, so if you haven’t listened to that one first, I highly recommend going back and givening that a listen. Then when you’re finished, you can come back over here. We’ll be waiting.

Summary

A Note on Care

This episode discusses trauma, desire, and body memory in a non-graphic, invitational way. Please listen at your own pace and take care of yourself as needed. Pausing, stepping away, or returning later is always welcome.

In this conversation, Dr. Emma explores how many of us, especially women, learn early on to override our own signals in order to stay safe, be good, or keep the peace. Over time, that adaptation can make desire feel confusing and pleasure feel unsafe, even when nothing is “wrong.”

Rather than approaching desire as something to fix or perform, this episode introduces erotic intelligence, a term popularized by Esther Perel, as our innate capacity to stay connected to aliveness, curiosity, imagination, and felt experience. Not just sexually, but across everyday life.

Together, we explore how trauma lives in the body, why the nervous system often prioritizes protection over pleasure, and how erotic intelligence can be rebuilt gently—starting far away from sex, intensity, or pressure.

This is an invitational episode. Nothing here is about pushing, forcing, or getting it right. It’s about listening. Slowing down. And allowing the body to finish what the past may have interrupted.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• Why pleasure and desire often feel complicated—not because you’re broken, but because you adapted
• How many women learn to override their own bodily signals in the name of safety and attachment
• What erotic intelligence actually is (and what it isn’t)
• How desire weaves together safety, autonomy, attachment, and aliveness
• Why trauma can interfere with pleasure without eliminating desire
• How erotic intelligence often returns through small, ordinary moments—not grand gestures
• Why desire works best as an invitation, not a demand
• How honoring sensation, boundaries, and safety rebuilds trust with the body
• What it looks like to feel alive again—without performing or forcing anything

Gentle Practices Offered in This Episode

Dr. Emma shares several simple, body-led practices you can explore at your own pace:

• Pleasure as information: learning to ask “Do I like this?” without judgment or fixing
• Tracking safety instead of desire: noticing what feels safe enough right now
• Choosing one aliveness anchor: a consistent sensation or experience that brings you back into your body

These practices aren’t about intensity or outcome. They’re about consistency, consent, and staying with yourself.

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Chapters

00:00 Understanding the Body’s Memory of Trauma
05:53 Exploring Erotic Intelligence
11:51 The Role of Trauma in Desire
17:54 Rebuilding Erotic Intelligence
24:13 Practical Practices for Reconnection

Closing Reflection

Your aliveness isn’t indulgent.
It isn’t extra.
It’s the point.

Every time you notice a sensation, honor a boundary, or linger with what feels warm or settling, you’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safer now. And that you get to be here.

💌 Stay Connected

You just heard me talk about desire, intimacy, and the realities of modern relationships.

If this episode resonated, you’re invited to join The Inner Circle — a monthly reflection for people craving more connection and less noise.

Now let’s make it personal.

Download The Desire Inventory Guide, a simple diagnostic tool that helps you quickly identify what’s pulling down your desire—whether it’s stress, emotional load, relationship patterns, or the pressure of a full life.

You’ll also receive practical, no-fluff insights and tools designed to help you feel more grounded, connected, and at home in your body.

Fast clarity. Zero shame. Real steps forward.

👉 Sign up at soliloquie.co/vault

The Receipts

The ideas explored in this episode are grounded in peer-reviewed research from trauma psychology, neuroscience, and affective science. These sources inform the clinical and theoretical framework behind today’s conversation.

Craig, A. How do you feel? Interoception: the sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nat Rev Neurosci 3, 655–666 (2002). https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn894

Mark, K. P., & Lasslo, J. A. (2018). Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model. Journal of sex research, 55(4-5), 563–581. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1437592

Mehling, W. E., Acree, M., Stewart, A., Silas, J., & Jones, A. (2018). The Multidimensional Assessment of Interoceptive Awareness (MAIA-2). PLOS ONE, 13(12), e0208034. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0208034

Payne, J. D., & Kensinger, E. A. (2018). Stress, sleep, and the selective consolidation of emotional memories. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 19, 36-43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2017.09.006

Price, C. J., & Hooven, C. (2018). Interoceptive awareness skills for emotion regulation. Mindfulness, 9, 27–35. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00798/full

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. HarperCollins.

Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity. HarperCollins.

Porges S. W. (2025). Polyvagal theory: a journey from physiological observation to neural innervation and clinical insight. Frontiers in behavioral neuroscience, 19, 1659083. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2025.1659083

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.